Janet Park, Photographer
“Every white man over the age of 75 is the exact same to me. Except for Henry Winkler, obviously.”
Jared Lancaster, Blacksmith
“If Trump isn’t president then why are there so many recent sketches of him sitting inside government buildings?”
Vinny Esposito, Server
“Degenerative brain disorder.”
Eric Lopez, Loss Prevention
“I know a guy who has a friend who met a dude who spoke to someone who heard from someone else and he said he saw a document that indicated something to that effect. And he wouldn’t lie.”
Daniel Eichenberg, Unemployed
“I’ve been telepathically communicating with Steve Bannon ever since he was forced to step down from his advisory role in the first Trump administration. It’s only a one-way communication but occasionally he’s able to bring other people into the wavelength and they also confirmed Trump is the rightful president. He even knows that I have erectile dysfunction and he’s been advising me to buy something called Blue Chew. But now that I’ve said this out loud I realize I could be mistaking this for a podcast.”
DeJohn Gordon, CPA
“That’s all bullshit. The truth is that Trump is actually the rightful Senator from Pennsylvania.”
