“We’ve never seen anything like it, his body was simply rejecting existence,” said one E.R. doctor at Good Samaritan Medical Center in Palm Beach, “He came in with kidney failure, heart failure, he had the brain function of a flatworm, but, thankfully, after some fluids and a private space to disparage the Tuskegee airmen, it looks like he’s on the mend.” Trump, who was reportedly asked by his campaign manager, Susie Wiles, to not say negative things about fallen war heroes on Memorial Day, acquiesced, but did give her a grave warning before doing so. “He would always say, ‘this is the reason I keep going’ after trashing the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier for being a ‘no name’ but we kinda always thought that was part of the joke. If I had only known how serious he was, I would have never asked him to respect the dead.”
Later, upon being discharged from the hospital, Trump released a brief written memo (à la Michael Jordan announcing his return to the NBA) that simply read, “Suckers and Losers, -DJT.”
He’s back.
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