Keeping true to his promise of cutting wasteful government spending, Donald Trump has called on the FBI to drop their investigations of his cabinet picks and offered to give his own background check for free, “They’re all career criminals and existential threats to the United States. Otherwise I would not have picked them,” Trump said at his Mar-a-Lago resort in front of a makeshift podium of classified documents and spent adderall containers. The cabinet which includes gangsters, fraudsters, easily bribable prosecutors and, most importantly, traitors, are set to dismantle democracy in early 2025 and will provide Americans with some much needed entertainment after a grueling election season.
The FBI has since thanked the President Elect for his candor and wishes him the best of luck on his next January 6th.
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