After demanding there be no fact-checking or that anything his says or does could be held against him in a court of law, Donald Trump has agreed to debate Kamala Harris, noted former prosecutor, as long as his attorneys are present. “I’ve seen this trick before,” said Donald, “first they put you at ease asking you to rank Miss Teen USA contestants by how likely they are to have an OnlyFans then BAM! you’ve accidentally admitted to defrauding a charit- shit!” After a brief conference with his brain trust he added, “only the charity that I’ve already been convicted of defrauding, not any new charity that hasn’t figured it out ye-” but before he could finish, Rudy Guiliani threw himself in front of the microphone and said “What is a charity? We’re actually not familiar with that word and we deny everything,” he then winked at the camera before resuming his place behind the candidate.
Trump then added, “Another condition… in light of recent events we’ll need to have increased security and metal detectors at every entrance point, because if I even see handcuffs on Kamala’s belt I’m going to piss myself with an amount of liquid you couldn’t even imagine.”
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