It was a night just like any other for local phrenologist Drew Thompson as he prepared for bed: he brushed his teeth, took a shower, got cozy under the covers… and then stared at the ceiling for 8 hours thinking about Roger Stone’s weird fucking skull. “It has… HAS to be there,” Drew slurred as his sleep-deprived mind tried to conjure the English words for être. “Everything that talked about we right there at the tip of his pointy fucking knob,” he muttered incoherently as his consciousness waned.
Phrenologists such a Drew Thompson are calling Stone “the missing link” that could tie the whole scientific field together and restore the practitioners to their former glory. “He’s been foretold,” Drew continued the next day, “19th century phrenologists spoke of a drug-addicted criminal with the head of a Beluga whose slavishness to authority would be run so deep that he would sit at the right hand of the president. He is Him, there’s no debate.”
However, after some debate, the team of phrenologists gave up hope they could use the 71 year old, Richard Nixon stan to validate their science after the lifelong meth abuser was unable to sit still long enough for an fMRI scan.
