After hours of deliberation and a final promise of “spontaneous Christmas” whenever the kids feel like getting new presents, Kevin McCarthy (Husband, D.C.) has defeated Judy McCarthy (Wife, California) to remain Leader of House through the 2024 year.
“I think it’s a little shameful that Kevin had to resort to buying their votes to defeat the grassroots campaign I worked years on developing,” Judy said. “All he did was say ‘What are your demands?’ then proceeded to agree to every ridiculous thing they said for the next two hours.” Then, fighting back tears she added, “Our house is in Connor’s name now for fuck’s sake!”
“Judy may have raised our children, but I raised the two young conservatives whose addiction to material wealth has made them incredibly easy to manipulate,” Kevin boasted as he signed over the title of his vehicle to his daughter and removed his watch and gave it to his son. “Once I heard Judy remind Meghan about how she comforted her after her first breakup, I knew she was cooked.”
Later, in a joint statement released by Meghan and Connor McCarthy, the children wanted to clarify that despite coming to a tentative deal with their father, they still do not respect him in any way or trust that his decision making won’t continue to bring shame upon their House.
Also it’s the 6th of the month and rent is due.
