After finishing an 800 word Facebook post about how the world will be in serious trouble if women don’t start having more children, Eric Albright went about his day apparently unaware that he was an unfuckable creep no women in a million years would ever have a child with.
“For one, we don’t like being referred to as broodmares, and he’s, like, constantly calling me that,” said Brittany Albright, Eric’s 16-year-old sister, “He spends 3-4 hours every day emailing the Hinge corporate office about getting ‘Child Bearing Hips’ added to their filter settings and he’s gotten fired from every job because he says congratulations to women with a BMI over 22 ‘Just to be safe.'”
Eric, who plans to start a lingerie store with undergarments that inseminate women against their will and no plans to look a woman in the eye, declined comment on the story.
Despite everything, Brittany has faith her older brother can turn his life around, provided that he just get a haircut, a completely new wardrobe, toothbrush, deodorant, a skincare routine, change his personality, belief and value systems, visit a dentist, purchase a gym membership, find a job, get one female friend to help him understand women are people, and be cut off from the internet as long as he lives with no exceptions. “Then he’ll be fine,” she said, “Then he’ll be fine.”
_____________________________________________________________
