After Benjamin Netenyahu excused himself from the room for being too emotional to speak publicly, IDF spokesperson, Daniel Hagari, expressed his deepest condolences to the global community for the recent bombing that left 11 journalists with only minor flesh wounds. “We regret to inform,” Hagari said, beginning to choke up, “that their condition is not critical and they are expected to make a full recovery.” The spokesperson then went into a detailed explanation of the injuries sustained by each journalist and muttering “ugh so close” under his breath after each one. He added, “While perfection is the pursuit, it will always be just a carrot on a stick. No single fruit can feed the world, no single bomb can end the concept of journalism. But that will never stop us from trying.” Hagari then finished the presser by lashing out at complicit United States for providing them with second-grade war crime materials.
