Saying the .19 blood alcohol level was only one explanation for why his Ford hatchback wrapped around a telephone pole at 3am, local conservative, Kieren Edwards, argues it’s too early to rule out terrorists remotely hacking his vehicle at this juncture. Kieren who has reportedly said, “some pretty critical stuff about ISIS and the CCP online throughout the years” believes himself to be public enemy number one for several organizations who have been emboldened to carry out attacks on American soil due to weak leadership.
“There are 3 hours of the night that are totally missing from my memory which is consistent with my second theory: Tranquilizer and Blood Transfusion— a known CCP tactic. And police have yet to explain where the person who ‘just so happened’ to be ‘crossing the intersection’ at the exact time I ‘ran a red light’ went.” Mr. Edwards also went on to note that the mere fact this happened in the same week he posted a clown face emoji in the comments section of an Erdoğan tweet should be proof that something larger is afoot.
UPDATE: Mr. Edwards was revealed to be 100% correct that a terrorist crashed his vehicle after a background check revealed he was at the January 6th insurrection. He is now calling on president Trump to announce himself as the rightful POTUS and end the political persecution he’s been subjected to for the crime of being a God-fearing conservative in a Satanic, liberal world.
