Saying there’s no reason an able-embryo’d child should be sitting on a shelf when there’s so much work to be done, Homtex CEO, Jerry Wooten, put in the winning bid to employ all cryogenically frozen embryos granted personhood status by the state’s recent Supreme Court ruling.
“I think every parent would agree that starting them young, preferably before their cells coalesce into tiny little feet that would enable them to walk off of a job site, is vital for instilling a healthy work ethic in our children,” said Wooten who plans on using the -320 degree tots for all sorts of cooling related tasks, such as preventing machinery from overheating and chilling highball glasses after working hours. “There’s no limit to what these little guys can cool,” Wooten chuckled. “I might even use them on my wife the next time she starts hollerin’ at me for not throwin’ out the trash.”
Later, Wooten tossed all the embryos in a dumpster behind the factory after they attempted to unionize. An act he won’t be prosecuted for because of a different Alabama Supreme Court decision that ruled socialists are not human.
