FEMA Workers Graciously Saving Incels Too

Despite being told they would not receive overtime pay for the additional work, FEMA first responders in North Carolina and Florida broke with official policy and began rescuing members of the involuntarily celibate community stranded amidst hurricane wreckage “just like they were regular people with value.”

“I don’t discriminate,” said FEMA worker Sandy Koenig like some sort of unconditionally loving deity who’d never had the misfortune of interacting with them online, “If you have a pulse, I will help you.” However, they are forced to say on camera with witnesses the understand skin-to-skin contact is purely a necessary function of saving their life and not a signal to “go for it” when opportunity arises.

Incels, who are best known for their work of making America a less safe place for women and being fans of Tim Pool, have largely been an afterthought during rescue operations in recent years, but some workers are saying the official FEMA policy of “Let them drown lol” is cruel and antithetical to the agencies founding principles. “If it were a natural disaster then fine,” Koenig said, “but after Joe Biden and HAARP coordinated to crash America’s insurance system with artificial hurricanes for reasons that are unclear to everyone, the least we can do is allow them the opportunity to start over in a state that isn’t a complete shithole. Who knows, after a while their personalities might reflect that too.”

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