Mike Johnson (Louisiana)
“Direct them to a mosqu– wait what do you mean by ‘mass’?
Matt Gaetz (Florida)
“I advise parents to make a replacement, emergency baby in case the one you like gets shot.”
Andy Biggs (Arizona)
“It’s high time we provide adequate mental health services to congressmen who have to deal with so many sad, depressing families.”
Steve Scalise (Louisiana)
“I’ve found the easiest way to survive a mass shooting is for God to simply not want you.”
Kevin McCarthy (California)
“Create an identical twin building for every school in America and make them guess.”
Dan Crenshaw (Texas)
“Maybe a gun buyba– *muffled asphyxiation sounds*”
Rich McCormick (Georgia)
Since when is it the governments job to provide “solutions” to “problems” that “Americans” are facing?
Greg Pence (Indiana)
“It’s disingenuous to say Republicans are complicit in these shootings when we are very clearly doing absolutely nothing up here.”
Ashley Hinson (Iowa)
“Rocket launchers for librarians.”
Elise Stefanik (New York)
“Have we tried caring less about them?”
Lauren Boebert (Colorado)
“I’ve found the fastest way to turn anger into love is with 7 martinis and a local production of Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice.”
