After the Cybertruck explosion at Trump Tower in Vegas had some wondering if this is just a standard malfunction of the recall-ridden electric vehicle, Elon Musk held a press conference to reassure everyone that his vehicles self-destructing looks completely different than that. “As someone who’s been forced to watch hundreds of hours of Tesla’s catching fire in various court hearings, I can say with 100% certainty that if the Tesla acted on its own, the people would’ve been burned alive at a much slower rate than that.”
“The AI system that chooses to cook people alive at random in Tesla vehicles receives a sort of sick parasexual pleasure from the agonized screams of the trapped occupants,” said one legal expert familiar Tesla’s wrongful death suits, “It would not gain anything from delivering an instantaneous death such as the one that happened in Vegas, so it is fair to assume Musk’s company will not be held liable for this.”
Later, he revised his statement after it was discovered the suicide bomber was one of the first human recipients of Musk’s Neuralink brain implant. “Political terrorism was actually the number-one side-effect observed in the chimpanzee test subjects.”
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