BUFFALO — Despite never playing football before getting scouted for a government job in early January, the man posing as Damar Hamlin is starting to make a name for himself in the NFL’s 2023 preseason.
“Don’t look now,” announced teammate Von Miller, “but that random guy the government used as a psyop to cover up the dangers of vaccinations really has a nose for the football.” The double, officially going by “Damar” Hamlin, started turning heads all the way back at the start of training camp, where instead of standing suspiciously out of focus a few hundred yards away from the football field, put on pads and started “laying the wood” on teammates such as James Cook, and Gabriel Davis.
“Sometimes you forget that it’s not the same guy who died on the field 9 months ago and we’re all willing players in a vast government conspiracy,” said Buffalo Bills Head Coach, Sean McDermott, “But any time you find someone who runs a 4.4 and digests a playbook as quickly as ‘Damar’ has, you just thank your lucky stars and pray he doesn’t die of another grievous vaccination injury.”
