Jeremy Fichner, Paper Examiner

“There’s just something beautiful about coming home after a long day’s work and finding your wife spent half your savings on a Tupperware-based pyramid scheme because the years she’s been in home confinement have destroyed her social intelligence.”
Elijah Lucas, Stock Image Model

“I just want a kind, modest girl who I can easily gaslight into believing my shortcomings are all her fault.”
Oscar Reynolds, Marine Biologist

“Any woman with the expectation they should experience an orgasm has been brainwashed by mainstream Satanism.”
Maxwell Stewart, Event Planner

“The fact that they don’t really exist makes not finding one a much easier pill to swallow.”
Sebastian Mitchell, Child Gynecologist

“An unmarried 15 year old was considered a hag in ancient Greece according to this Andrew Tate video I’m watching.”
Nathan Harper, Psychic

“Because the woke mob won’t let me refer to them as sex slaves.”
DeVon Campbell, YouTuber

“They say you’re not a real man until you face your fears and experiencing 1950’s Americana is top of my list.”
Lucas Jansen, Pop Filter Tester

“Being in a relationship where divorce isn’t an option adds a fun element of danger to home-cooked meals. And I assume she will feel the same way walking down stairs.”