Bob Sampson, Carpenter
“Everyone knows the only way to fight infanticide is with bigger, better infanticide.”
Kevin Cousins, Venture Capital
“If you can’t construct a building able to withstand carpet-bombing from the IDF then you have no business being a Palestinian contractor in the first place.”
Elias Mizrahi, IDF
“Edison failed 1,000 times perfecting the lightbulb and laser-guided missiles are, like, way more complicated than that.”
Kyle Crabtree, The South
“American babies shoot over 200 people each year. So let’s face it, some of them are assholes.”
Antony Blinken, Secretary of State
“If you’re upset about Israel’s indiscriminate bombing of Gaza just close your eyes and pretend it’s American Forces doing it in Afghanistan. That should make it better.”
Janet Fielder, Blogger
“Israel might not exactly be the good guys but Hamas is a terrorist organization and there’s someone just out of frame pointing a gun at me forcing me to pick a side.”
Benjamin Netanyahu, Israeli Prime Minister
“Do you know how hard it is to lose all public sympathy just a few weeks after suffering a terrorist attack that killed over 1,000 people? Well, I intend to find out.”
Jeremy Pulaski, Eagles Fan
“All I know is that if I stop posting hot takes online the light inside me will die.”
