In a sudden reversal of opinion, Donald Trump has said the banning of TikTok is unconstitutional after realizing it was home to his 100 most watched content creators. “We were in a golf cart riding between sand traps, and just to make conversation I asked him where he was going to watch half-naked teenagers dancing after the TikTok ban. The confused look he gave me told me everything I needed to know,” said an aide familiar with his obsession with underage girls.
“Is she 15? Is she 19? Who knows. And that’s the fun for me,” said Trump as he downloaded a full terabyte of content to an external hard drive, just in case. “I called it the Schrodinger’s Pedophile app because you never know which videos are illegal to ‘enjoy’ if you catch my drift.” He added, “I had no idea it was the same as the progressive activist app. I guess the algorithm knows me too well for that.”
Later, Trump dismissed the idea that China could use the app to blackmail him, since his pedophilia is the reason most Republicans voted for him anyway.
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