As the election winds down and Americans of every ideology look forward to not being suffocated with election spam, undecided voters are reckoning with the fact that election season is Christmas time for double-digit IQ voters and, once over, all that remains is a cold, dark winter. “If the Harris campaign really wants my vote, she needs to make me feel like the prettiest girl on earth,” said a 34 year old woman after Harris already committed to cutting taxes on her business, restoring her bodily autonomy, and picking up her dry cleaning for the next year. “If Kamala doesn’t call me every day to tell me how hot I am, I guess I’ll have to vote third party.”
“I do think Trump’s narcissism and cognitive decline are a grave threat to our nation,” said one Michigan resident who voted for Trump twice and is absolutely going to again, “But once I make a decision I will be left to deal with the angst of knowing that I am nothing more than a speck of dust on a speck of dust, that one day me and everyone I know will all be dead, as will their children, and it’ll be like I never even existed. So in the meantime, I’d like for Harris to come to my home and tell me her plans for the economy while staring deeply into my soul.”
Despite the inevitability of the election ending next week, both said they’d make the most of their 17 remaining nationally televised undecided voter panels and pray that high can make them forget about their insignificance until primary season kicks off in 15 months.
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