Predicted to be a category 5 shitstorm and one not all of us will survive, FEMA has issued its strongest possible warning of “generational fucktastrophe” and advised Americans to brace for the upcoming SCOTUS term. “Now is not the time to bicker,” said an agency spokesman. “Now is the time for every American to roll up their shirt sleeves and see if you are white or black or brown, because there’s a good chance you’re not going to be able to marry outside your race in 2025 if they decide to strike down Loving v. Virginia.”
“We’re cooked,” said one anonymous agency source with over 40 years experience watching disasters play out in real time. “A generational fucktastrophe results from a confluence of interconnected shitstorms all happening simultaneously. Best case scenario would be a few minor blunderfucks, but I’m not a glass half full type of guy.” Official FEMA preparedness recommendations include: stockpiling emergency supplies and finding God.
Later, FEMA released their official preparedness recommendations which include stockpiling emergency supplies and finding God.
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