After a full calendar year of pundits and politicos failing to understand the appeal of RFK Jr., a recent meta-analysis of 2024 election surveys revealed that 2/3rds of his supporters are mentally unstable and simply want to see if the CIA still has the balls to assassinate a Kennedy.
“It’s nothing personal. He seems like a good enough guy,” said one anonymous psychopath, “it’s just that I crave to end a human life and I’d rather the CIA do it for me.”
Voters who said they preferred Kennedy were found to have almost no idea what the presidential hopeful stood for, “Something about vaccines? He either hates them or he really, really loves them,” said another sadist, “I just know two things: he’s a ‘vaccine guy’ and the deep state is absolutely going to assassinate him if he gains political power, which I find endearing.”
“We used to be a proper country,” read one comment on 4Chan, “We had affordable housing, strong unions, and semi-regular extrajudicial murders of respected political figures to keep everybody in check. If the CIA won’t take the time to assassinate a popular Kennedy, then maybe they just don’t care about us anymore.”
Later, the CIA responded by saying they outsourced all Kennedy assassinations to the FBI, and they would’ve had RFK Jr. whacked years ago if it were still up to them.
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