After being told his real estate holdings would not be counted as assets to secure a bond for the $355 million judgement against him, the former president has turned to his lesser properties for collateral: Eric and Don Jr. “While I disagree with the courts decision to levy such a large fine against my wonderful business, I still count myself as lucky to have so many… things to part with. I know I’ve publicly and privately said nothing but bad things about these two for the last twenty years or so, but the truth is they’re actually VERY GOOD BOYS WITH A LOT TO OFFER,” Trump shouted as the bank liaisons walked past him to Don and Eric’s shared office. Over the course of the next few hours, several officials moved in and out of their office while the former president was forced to wait outside. To pass the time, Trump was seen Googling “Barron Trump net worth” “Barron Trump age” and “Does the NBA buy tall freaks?”
Later, Donald Trump weeped with joy after the appraisers determined Don Jr. was 6’1″ and 190 pounds of mostly cocaine. Estimated street value: $7,600,000.
