“A cabal? A murder? No there must be something for this,” said the Manhattan Court Clerk as she rifled through her dictionary looking for the perfect word. “Human history was basically written by a group of pedophiles so I refuse to believe there isn’t a word to describe s— a flamboyance of fondlers! No. That’s not it— such a thing.”
She went on to search the depths of Wikipedia, hoping to find a precedent she could adhere to. A “kaleidoscope of kid fuckers” yielded nothing, “parliament of pedos” provided only a recent history of the British aristocracy. She found that “mole of molesters” was a phrase Marie Curie used in a letter to describe her colleagues at The Sorbonne, however it didn’t feel quite right in a modern context. Soon she realized the heavy burden of coining a term to describe a regiment of rapists would fall on her shoulders, and all future cases would refer to her work as the Magellan of class action sexual abuse documents. So to keep things simple and straightforward, she decided that a large gathering of pedophiles will officially be known as an “Epstein.”
